F*CK U FTD

For a long time I thought the world was really unkind.

I do still believe there is a lot of dark and evil in the world but it really changes your perspective when you realize there is so much beauty and kindness surrounding all the negativity.

I would say that I have always been the kind of girl to look at the bright side of things even when it gets harder, but throughout my journey so far with my mother being sick I have seen a side of people that brings me to tears.

Not tears of sadness but tears of joy and from just being so unbelievably grateful. My mother has a group of girlfriends who I have known throughout my whole life and grown up with. It was a lot of fun to experience having a large family friend group growing up where all our parents would hang out while all us kiddos would as well. We would go on trips together and just have so much fun. I know that this situation affects a lot more people other than myself.

My heart goes out to every single person affected by my mother’s sickness because I know how it makes me feel so I can’t imagine how everyone else who is so close to her feels.

The point I am trying to reach is that the amount of kindness that has been brought out in everyone that I’ve known my whole life is so huge. Now, I wouldn’t be surrounding myself with people who I didn’t think were good humans. But awful and heartbreaking situations such as these really bring out the beauty in humanity.

All my mom’s friends, such as L, T, B, R, and so many more who I’m probably forgetting right now are angels. They bring us dinners because it can be hard for my dad to adjust to all the roles of being a mother, because not only is he dad he is also now mom. They check in on me how a mother would and I could never EVER replace my mom but having a motherly conversation or a motherly hug every once in a while helps me more than I think people realize

To my friends, I couldn’t imagine going through any of this without you. I knew I’d picked some pretty awesome people to be around but when my mom became sick it solidified that idea for me x100. It can be hard for me to reach out to people because I just wrestle in my head a lot with the fact that I couldn’t bear to burden others because this whole thing is a LOT to process myself let alone have so many others knowing. The amount of immense kindness and grace I have been shown by my friends is more than appreciated. It’s almost hard to show how grateful I am in words. The nights out where I may have had one too many and my emotions can’t be held in, they will just sit with me and listen if I need to talk, or also just hold me when I need to cry. The real fact is they cry with me. Most of my friends have known my mother for a long time too and she really was the kind of woman to take in any of my friends as her “children” as well. Our home was a very safe space for any of my friends who were ever struggling.

So as my friends help me navigate this terrible time of my life there is emotions there as well because she was a figure in their lives as well. She was honestly just loved by so so many. And now my friends are giving me so much of their love every single day just knowing how much I need it.

The last thing I feel the need to touch on is the pure kindness shown to me by strangers. Bringing my mom into public can be really hard at times because she can’t really communicate very well and so with strangers they don’t really understand what’s happening with her for the most part. Tip: If you are with someone with dementia keep a notes app on your phone with a message such as “My mother has dementia, please be kind and understanding” and show this to strangers who are trying to help you or need to be aware. As soon as I have shown this to others their demeanor of confusion usually immediately changes and I have been brought to tears about the kindness I have been shown by complete strangers.

I will be back soon with more craziness from my life but for now…..

Smile as bright as you can everyday because life is short, too short to spend it unhappy. 🙂